So my initial plan was that no one in work would find out about HIM- at least until I am suitably recovered and have crafted my life into a spectacular movie worthy spectacular- in which HE has no lines. This would be perfectly do-able I had said to myself. The only people in the office who knew were:
1 – My friend Tess – barmy but totally trustworthy.
2 – Deb from accounting (who happens to live with HIS best friend) but I think her full acknowledgment of the girl code; who is in the wrong in this scenario, plus a few steely glances and a telepathic “DON’T SAY A DAMNED WORD” from both Tessa and I had kept her silent.
Today it all changed.
I had been doing completely fine until a series of ridiculous (and alarmingly perfectly timed) events lead to my complete public breakdown. The events were as follows:
Number 1 – As I made a cup of tea, Coldplay’s “Yellow” blasted out of the crackling radio, a song which instantly transported me to a hideous tent, a freezing cold night, a ridiculous attempt at skinny dipping in ice cold water but most of all US. Blissfully, sickeningly, irrevocably happy US.
Number 2 – I was cradling a stupid smiling kitten mug which, as well as making me feel now ridiculous, also suddenly created crazy cat lady premonitions.
Number 3 – Jackie the receptionist walked into the small kitchen at the exact moment my eyes started to brim with tears.
Jackie is one of those women that has the most overwhelming maternal aura, her deep chocolate eyes offered me such understanding and sympathy at that moment and as soon as she pulled me in for a hug I knew there was no going back. I let out this stream of ugly choking sobs as I buried my head into Jackie’s perfectly perfumed sweater and allowed myself to be caressed by this woman I barley know. It took all my strength to pull myself from her embrace. After effectively telling her my entire life story of course.
Needless to say by lunch everyone knew. This was not ideal.
I don’t not what it is about break-up cliché’s, maybe they have been repeated too many times to have substance anymore. All I know is the tirade of “You were too good for him anyway”, “Chin up” and the worst “Plenty of fish” did nothing to ease my pain and frankly just made me irritable.
When I finally arrived home (well not my home obviously, but the home of my siblings where I know live…temporarily) I was desperate to jump in the shower and just have a early night.
Will and Emilia sat on the sofa as I enter, the remnants of this disgusting day must have plastered themselves to my face as they exchange eye gestures before Will decided to say “Woahh quick Emms you get the wine to placate her, I’ll get a weapon, just in case she attacks” at this point they both burst into a fit of giggles finding themselves completely hilarious. It must be a twin thing.
I slouch in my room grumpily and as I load up the computer Will gingerly opens the door
“You know I could probably beat him up…I mean if you really wanted me to?”
I shoo him away just before Emilia pokes her head round the door
“Thing is sis, I mean I know this sucks and stuff…. but you’re just not acting NORMAL. I mean come on! You really need to sit back, have a deep think and realise there are bigger things going on in the world. You need to ask yourself – how many times have you thought about Syria today? I mean really Misty, how many?”
I throw a pillow at her head and she scarpers.
Just as I go to slam the door to block out their incessant giggling I hear William mutter “I know I shouldn’t say these things about one of my sisters but…Maaaan she needs to get laid”
And despite my fury, my revulsion at today and complete annoyance with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.
I think: he might be onto something there.