Two days have merged into one. Granted that’s how I have felt almost every millisecond since my heart was completely obliterated: a series of monotonous routines I have been forced to repeat to keep my body alive and functioning. It has felt more like existing than living these last few weeks.
However that is not the reason for the merging of my posts today.
I went to work yesterday with renewed vigour, granted it was the weird and inappropriate ramblings of my younger brother that had provoked this, but never the less I had a new goal. REBOUND.
I could finally allow myself to act like a normal twenty something and have a casual fling with no strings and then spill all the tantalising details, a la sex in the city, as a flock of my girlfriends gasp and applaud.
What I did not anticipate is that after being in a committed (on my freaking part anyway) relationship has effectively destroyed my ability to converse with men that I find even remotely attractive.
This realisation did not come to me from some beautiful logic, some integral understanding of the innermost workings of my own psyche, some sage advice from someone who is learned in all things break up. No. This realisation came after a ridiculous case of what can only be described as “trial and error”.
I had been discussing with Tessa at lunch my master rebound plan, when she suggested (and thus now I hold her entirely accountable) that why not target someone in the office? So simple, there are 12 floors I could find someone and never see them again.
“Well there is this really cute guy I’ve noticed around called Tim”
and soon (it honestly felt like 30 seconds) Tessa had managed to find out that Tim worked on the 9th floor; She then proceeded to engineer it that we needed to deliver a “message” to him.
We tumbled into the toilets like naughty school girls giggling as Tessa attempted to tame my hair as I applied a sheer gloss to my lips.
“Right so babes this is the plan yeh” Tessa drawled “You just go in all casual, CATCH TIM’s ATTENTION, then after you’ve delivered the “message” casually drop into conversation about how a few of us are going to the pub tonight”
It seemed so faultless.
It started so well too, I’d seen Tim before so sauntered over to him with our “message” ensuring I engaged eye contact (as per Tessa’s instruction. I then casually mentioned about the pub (he had said “sounds good” which in man talk translates as “”I’ll be there”).
Then my brain for some unbeknown reason decides to sabotage me. As I walk out the office I turn around to flash a smile at Tim, and I have an epiphany. I am stood in front of a desk and I think that the most hilarious thing in the entire world will be for me to pretend to walk down an invisible staircase “This will be hilarious” my mind yells to me “How can he not think this will be an attractive quality in the opposite sex” it reasons.
Tim looks at me like I have completely lost the plot. I get up fast and run down stairs in full on panic mode to Tessa.
“babes you’re overthinking it, I bet it wasn’t that bad” (it definitely was).
“I bet he shows up at the pub tonight” (He didn’t).
I went home after drinking far too many glasses (bottles?) of wine and as I walk into the living room I see the twins hunched over my laptop giggling like idiots (you would never think they were 22 year old adults with jobs and a flat).
“You know Misty when you were a teenager you were much better at hiding your diaries” William laughs
“do you know what I’ve noticed though” Emilia pipes in
“What apart from the fact that she can’t distinguish know from now and think a snake “shreds” its skin?” Will said
“well it’s called “heartache and revenge” yet there is no revenge in it. Like NONE. I mean it’s a bit morbid Mist, I mean are you actually trying to get people to top themselves?” again they both burst into annoying hysterics.
“You too are so completely out of order” I scream before attempting to storm into my bedroom, while in my alcohol induced haze I instead enter the closet, I hear their absolute shrieks of glee before I bump into the wall and storm back out again.
“Trying to get to Narnia were you sis?” said Will, as Emilia is literally doubled up crying laughing.
I marched into my room and attempted to sleep it off.
Yesterday was spent having yet another “sick day” (this time due to the copious wine and embarrassment oh and of course the never ending debilitating broken heart).
Just as I was about to switch off and sleep (for like the 6th time today) the twins knock at my door.
“What do you want now?” I shout at them
“Look about yesterday, it was bad of us. Sorry” William said “and about this lack of revenge in your diary”
He exchanged knowing glances with Emilia
“We think we have an idea to rectify that”.