The words had barley escaped his lips and already I had dove at him throwing myself into a flurry of passion and thoughtlessness, allowing myself to become lost in his embrace, in his perfect kiss. The tears were still rushing furiously down my face, but now they were tears of joy and relief. He was kissing me; trailing his hands down my spine letting me ruffle his soft hair, listening to him as he continued to whisper “I Love you’s” in each gasp for breath.
I allowed myself to get sucked into 8 glorious minutes of pure, carnal passion before a shear shard of emotion pierced through my minds eye like a lightning bolt. I suddenly saw HER face.
I pushed him off me.
“How can you possibly love me when you chose her” I said, my rollercoaster of emotion swiftly landing me back into anger.
“I didn’t Mist…it wasn’t like that…I wish I could take the one stupid night back. The one that changed everything!” he replied
“What are you talking about? it was going on for weeks- she messaged me, you admitted it”
“Look you’ve got it all wrong. We got together once at that party, you know the time, you and I had a row…I’m not making excuses but that’s just what happened. What happened the last few weeks though it wasn’t an affair Misty. I need you to understand this. I thought you hated me but now I know you love me… we can work this out”
“Work what out!? You asked her to marry you! have you completely lost your min -you cheated on me, threw all our memories into a little box room and when I left you didn’t even have the balls to chase after me” I retorted
“I didn’t think I had a chance! I didn’t CHOOSE her Misty. It was circumstances” he said
“Oh well that’s ok then! Please enlighten me what set of bloody circumstances makes it perfectly reasonable for you to propose to another girl yet now that I’ve kissed you think that we can live happily ever after?”
“Look Misty…it’s hard…I had to keep seeing her, talking to her, trying to sort things out.”
“Sorting what out exactly, what was left to sort out after your sordid night? And why does that require a proposal?”
“Misty….she’s pregnant with my baby” he said.
It was as though I had an outer body experience, before I was aware of what was even going on I had stood up reached over to the counter and grabbed the urn containing his mothers ashes and hurled it as hard as I could at the wall. I wanted him to feel pain and loss. Raw, deep, primal emotional pain. Like I was.
I didn’t even hear his response I ran to my car with that last image seared into my mind. HIM, covered in soft grey ash, sat in a room littered with photos of our memories. A room that would soon become a nursery.
I made it all the way to my bed before I was violently sick.