For some unbeknown reason I still tried to defend HIM.
The twins, despite their penchant or teasing me, had had instantly developed the instinctual sibling protective gene when I had (unwillingly) confided in them about everything. I had never told anyone about what I did 3 years ago before. They threatened to enact every variant of medieval torture upon HIM while referring to him as any negative word they could come up with (I was actually quite impressed with the scope of their vocabulary when it came to insults); meanwhile I had sat there and tried in vain to make excuses.
I think on some level I needed to make myself feel better – trying to fathom some reason why this life mattered more than the one we were meant to have. The one I’ve secretly lit a candle for the last three years.
It was Emilia who had finally suggested looking back over old diary entries ” You need to look back Mist” she said “you need to view things in a more unbiased way”
God I hate it when my younger siblings know best.
Reliving that awful day and realising what I had written and how terribly I had felt made me realise that:
a) I would be fricking awesome in PR or politics as I definitely know how to put a positive spin on things.
b) HE is far from the charming prince I have chosen to remember him as.
It had been almost 24 hours since I had left him, alone and covered in ashes, when the phone rang.
He tried to make the same excuses I had tried to rationalize to the twins. But I had been bestowed with a renewed vigour. A strength of will and a refusal to be overcome with the idiocy that was the fact that, despite all these recent revelations and understandings, underneath it all. I still loved him.
I sat there and listened as the ridiculous justifications poured from his mouth.
Anger overcome me and as he finally asked “Misty are you still there?” after I had remained silent for his entire spiel, I managed to finally spit out
“I hope you’re happy”
Before hanging up the phone and going to sleep on the bed which still had an unopened silver rattle stored underneath.